I truly believe all generalizations are false, including this one!
But here is a pattern ( A Meta Program perhaps?) that I have commonly observed.
Apology
The ones who are quick to apologize know not what they are sorry about! And how can you ever trust someone in a relationship or correct their actions when they do not even understand what they are sorry about?
Some apologize to win the other person and some apologize because they really mean it!
I think if you can differentiate between the two (quite easily by the quality of what they are apologetic about), you can begin to be careful with your partners, vendors, friends or even strangers.
It is quite a pity that most management programs, even the very popular ones, teach you to apologize to win the client but don’t teach you to apologize because you mean it and you pursue excellence! Apology is good and more than essential only as long as every bit of you means it.
The only way to win anyone is by Honesty (The trouble is everyone believes they are honest :) )
Praise
Praise is another easy sign to know about someone.
From patterns that I have observed in people, everyone who gives meaningless generic compliments does not actually mean it.
The only reasons someone will exaggerate and praise you is because they have not yet found the genuinely praiseworthy qualities in you.
So here are some suggestions:
1) Someone gives you undue compliments – RUN (because they need something from you without even knowing what you can offer)
2) Someone gives you an apology before conviction – START PREEMPTIVE MEASURE (because you can be sure the mistake will repeat otherwise)
I am not judging anyone who does any of the above. It does not mean they are bad; it only means certain things are out of their conscious awareness.
Any unconscious behavior change generally needs the following:
- Right state of mind
- Motivation
- New Behavior
- Repetition of the new behavior
(Layman’s translation of State Choice, Propulsion System, Strategy/Meta-Program, Future Pacing)
Self-test
If such behaviors are truly outside one’s conscious awareness, chances are you are nodding ‘yes’ and yet exhibiting most of these qualities. If you truly want to do a self-check, get into a state now of a child with no preset beliefs about yourself and read out your history of praise and sorry mails. I am going to do a self-check right now! How about you?